Barely Readable

Now that you’re un self-employed you may think it’s time to finally just let yourself go. There’s no one to dress up for and let’s face it, you’ve always been fascinated by people with those curly, elongated fingernails. Forget shaving. No reason to shower in the morning. A perfectly fine diet is meat lover’s pizza and Mt. Dew.

You’ve been fighting your weight for who knows how long, but let’s be honest, that’s a lost cause. No point in keeping up a losing battle. Just give in and you’ll be so much happier.

You don’t have much will power anyway. You might as well just watch another few days of television.

But listen, man, that’s a perfect recipe for depression. If you want to stay sane, you’d better keep those whiskers trimmed, apply deodorant to all the right follicles, and eat something besides candy. Go on, put some gel in your hair. You’ll feel better, believe me.

Yes, exercise even. It’ll be great.